Friends, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. The hap-happiest season of all. The kids? Jingle belling. The hearts? Glowing (at least when loved ones are near). And the boners? Blasting like icing on the roof of a gingerbread house – because DLsite is having their annual Winter Sale! I look forward to this shit every year; the discounts are kinda crazy and I can get my filthy little elf mitts on some some even filthier hentai for next to nothing. Like, less than a dollar in some cases. If that doesn’t roast your chestnuts, then I don’t know what will, besides maybe an open fire. So let’s take a look at some of the goodies under the tree this year… many of which are actually available to play here on Hentai Playground. Consider yourself one of those spoiled kids who gets every present he wants.
Ah, Princess Escape. The great equalizer. Royals are, after all, human just like you, and just as susceptible to kidnapping and goblin rape. But being human comes with its perks too, like the indomitable human spirit that pushes the species to not only survive, but to THRIVE. And when Princess Charlotte gets kidnapped, that’s exactly what she does.
Zip around the enemy lair, wielding your ball and chain like a flail to dispose of foes in your path. You can also seduce them, though if you don’t time it well, things might go pretty wrong. But you know what? When the game is this fast-paced, and when the princess’ tits are that big, do you really care? What’s a goblin dick to a princess? What’s a princess to a hentai game-appreciator? Etc. Battles are better off avoided if you want to advance, but if you don’t, you’ve got plenty of time to enjoy the pleasant Live2D-animated H scenes. I’m partial to the wooden horse bit, myself – it reminds me to always strive for greener pastures. Charlotte, though, would probably prefer NOT to think of the color green for the time being…
Because goblin dicks, you see.
“Slut Life” is, interestingly enough, NOT the dyslexic’s answer to those “Salt Life” stickers you sometimes see on muddy jeeps for some reason in states that have no beaches. It’s a game about being an absolute fucking whore. A real strumpet. But a kind one, with lots of inner color – literally, Lisa’s hair is two different colors. But she is also quite a bit more charitable than her gaudy, gal-ish exterior implies. So nice, in fact, that within the first minute of the game, she’s already offering her new classmate a handjob. What a neat girl!
The game is simple: wander around the school, sluttily, and do slutty things. One of Lisa’s main causes is getting her school’s uniform policy relaxed, and guess how she can go about doing that… “Petitions and prolific civic activism”, you say? No, dear reader, it’s by putting P in V, with the promise of doing it again if the rule gets changed. And so Lisa’s peppy, pixel-art life goes: school, sex, repeat. Honestly, she’s living the dream. And so is anyone else lucky enough to attend the same institution. Hell, I don’t even think she really goes to class. Hot Girl Shit, truly.
Hey you! Yes, you! Are you a shlubby, dork-ass loser who only leaves his house to scout out women he can think about later in the tub? Yikes. Don’t admit that so readily, man. Unless you’re the “”””””hero”””””” of Sex Ticket, in which case you are a video game character programmed to be that and nothing more… at first. Everything turns around the day you meet an unusually tall lady with an offer you can’t refuse: a case full of tickets you can use to fuck any girl you want! It’s got something to do with radio waves, plus probably 5G and Bill Gates or whatever. It’s not important. What is important is that it WORKS.
Our lumpy loafer of a lead can use those tickets to fuck ANY girl in town. That convenience store worker he’s always fantasized about? BANG. That schoolgirl he always leers at as she walks to school? POW. That wizened crone down the way who lives in a crumbling shack and describes herself as a “sovereign citizen”? Well, there’s no one like that in the game, thank fuck, but if there were, the ticket would work. It’s that strong! So get ready to drag this hefty garbage bag of a main character all around town in search of newer and more exciting sexual scenarios… I mean, who could refuse a man whose sole hobby is self-gratification? No one, as long as he’s got those fancy little slips of paper!
Believe it or not, friends, I’ve got a bit of experience with titties. They’re soft and fun to play with, but if you grab them and move them around in opposite circles while saying “wheeeeeeEEEEEE”, your partner may not be too happy. So that’s already one point in Princess Harem’s favor, because you can do exactly that without even a peep out of whichever heroine you’re messing with. Well, that’s not true. She’ll let you know how she feels, but it’ll be more along the lines of “That’s sick. That rocks.” than “please never call me again“.
Click and drag controls are surprisingly satisfying when it comes to H games. That bouncy feeling you get from pulling a titty one way and then the other, or the sheer gratification of slowly easing your dick into a VERY tight hole before it — zoOP – goes right in, are key parts of the sexual experience that less interactive games can’t really utilize. But Princess Harem gives you a whole mess of positions, situations, and girls to click, drag, and otherwise digitally provoke. You’ll play for the “ha ha titty go boing”, but you’ll stay for the “ha ha boner go squart”. And really, that should be all I need to say.
Finally, we’re going to take a quick look at Konko. Yes, Konko, the cute, blonde fox girl who, for a time, was taking the world by storm – and if you didn’t hear about it, that’s on you. I’ve got a bit of an obsession with comfort and “coziness”, and even though such games are making great strides outside of Japan, the land of the rising sun still does video game relaxation best. Yep, even in hentai games.
Konko has so many voice clips, animations, and customization options that she’s more of a real person than some salarymen I’ve met. Talking with her, sharing some tea, or even hopping in the bath together is always a treat. And if I’m honest, a treat best enjoyed right before bed. Quality time with a cute anime girl as your last act before lights out can do wonders for your daily wind-down. If you get the R18 version, she’s even equipped to handle your more intimate bedtime needs, so feel free to crank one out before knocking out. Konko’s more than eager to help. And why would you want to deny her the chance to do what she does best? You monster.
So there you have it, my ho-ho-hos, a sampling of some of the lovely toys DLsite’s got in their big, bulging sack this holiday season. And indeed, except for Slut Life, they’re all available to play here on the Playground! Christmas cheer? More like Christmas HERE, am I right? I know the holiday itself is still a few weeks off, but with this many anime girls waiting for you under the mistletoe, why delay? Get kissin’, champ, and always remember: if she’s 2D, you don’t need to wrap your present.
DLsite’s sale page is a winter wonderland of 2D tits…
Click here to sing the Playground’s praises with other hentai-loving carolers!
And yep, you knew it was coming…
