Don’t you just love the holiday season? Not only is it a festive time of year, full of love, good food, and general togetherness, but there’s something very special about bundling up in your warmest pajamas, sitting next to the fire, and watching your favorite Christmas movie with the family on a cold, snowy Christmas Eve. On top of that, it’s the one time of year when people seem to celebrate warmth and general coziness, which is a shame because it’s quite the healing experience that could benefit people year-round. So this week, we’re going to be taking a look at…
Wait.
Shit.
OH SHIT.
TOMORROW’S CHRISTMAS EVE.
AND I FORGOT TO BUY PRESENTS.
Oh god. Oh fuck. The stores are gonna be mobbed. Even if I rush out now, the shelves will be emptier than the hearts of my loved ones when I tell them that yep, I fucked up and forgot again this year. But wait… I do have that DLsite account… And everybody loves porn… And digital goods don’t sell out… HMMMMM…. could Christmas perhaps be saved? Come shopping with me, and we’ll find out together!
Let’s start with the hardest to shop for: my cousin Plumbus. Plumbus is a weird dude – he’s very open about how much he loves big titties, fast faps, and mother-daughter pseudo-incest. Plumbus isn’t usually invited to Christmas dinner. He’s only coming this year because I’m trying to get him to return my weed whacker. So for dear cousin Plumbus, I think…
…would be perfect! It hits all his boxes thanks to the HUGE-tittied mother-daughter duo who are super horny. And because this is a CG set, it can be enjoyed without much hassle. Nothing like loading up some Christmas porn with a mug of hot chocolate and just going to town on yourself, as Plumbus always says, to the disgust of the entire family. Speaking of familial shame, CG sets have another great feature – they’re quiet. If Plumbus’ mom and sister found out what he was into, well… I can’t imagine a worse nightmare.
If you like BOLD colors that really pop, plus clear line work that helps you sort out all the action, this should be at the top of your Christmas list! Get ready for blowjobs, missionary, 4-boobs 1-dick titjobs, and even a little milk! Santa will appreciate that as an addition to his cookies. Hopefully not as much as Plumbus will, though… I wouldn’t want to sit on THAT Santa’s lap.
Okay, so that’s one relative sorted. But what should I get for my favorite uncle, Quorthon? Hmmmm… well, he does have some pretty hefty wax buildup in those show-deafened ears of his. He could probably benefit from the wonderful world of ear cleaning, so maybe something a bit naughty to ease him in… Ah! I know…
This is an audio work about your loving, devoted maid bringing you a Christmas present: a handmade scarf. Awwwwwww. But things don’t end there, no no no, this work was birthed from the screwball imagination of one Ayaka Igasaki, the undisputed Queen of Ear Cleaning and one of ASMR’s most visionary lunatics. She loves ear cleaning more than any other voice actress, nay, more than any other person, so if that’s what you’re after, you know she’ll treat you right.
Sure, you can expect the usual erotic ASMR content like relaxing massages, bathtime shenanigans, and even a blowjob or two, but Miss Igasaki makes sure to get DEEP in her listeners’ ears with every new activity. And she slurps and slorps her way straight to your heart for over an hour and a half, so you get quite a bit of bang for your Christmas buck. Indeed, I think this’ll be the perfect intro for good ol’ Uncie Quorth – maybe it’ll inspire him to work on his aural hygiene.
My sister Khenemetneferhedjet should be an easy one. She likes video games and succubi, and always wished she had a sister instead of, you know, me. Hmmmm… Oh. I’ve got just the thing.
In this game, you play as a young man just trying to sleep on Christmas Eve. Relatable, huh? Even more so if you live in a country where Christmas is, you know, good. Not like here in Japan. So yes, our relatable-yet-Japanese hero finally manages to drift off, only to find himself groggily waking not to a living room littered with presents, but to two succubus sisters who have dragged him into their dream world. What do they want? What do you think?
The actual gameplay is some of the most action-packed I’ve seen in any RPG Maker game. It’s sort of a selection of mini challenges, featuring timed mazes, hide-and-seek, and even some puzzles. The porn is plentiful, but you will need to put in a little work to earn the REALLY good stuff. But for a gamer like Khenny, that should be an easy enough feat. Tits and ass are sweeter than any sugar-plum when you know you really deserve them. And the double-teaming aspect courtesy of there being two succubi just makes things even more fun and frantic. Yep, my sister will definitely enjoy this piece of pornography her brother picked out for her. As any good sister would.
Last but not least, crazy aunt Janice, the real black sheep of the family. She’s a wild one, that Janice, always filing her taxes on time and attending church on Sunday, but we love her still. I think she probably wants a wholesome Christmas gift. Something that really represents the spirit of giving. And since she’s not much of a gamer, maybe this would be a good choice…
This is a simple, pixel-animated game with an equally simple but pleasant story. A sexy Santa slips down the chimney to give you what you wanted most this year – a pack of… condoms? What good are those without anyone to use them on? Well, this holiday ho-ho-ho gets the picture pretty quickly, and decides to give you an extra present – herself! Unwrap with care, now!
All you need to do is click the button to proceed. But your cum-tastic Christmas isn’t without its choices, either. After you “let it snow”, you can choose to keep going, hanging the condom on your partner’s body like she’s the world’s stickiest Christmas tree, and you can even remove her clothes piece by piece. I recommend leaving the hat on, though, at least until the 26th… It just makes it all the more festive when you jingle those big ol’ bells of hers!
Alright, Plumbus, Uncle Quorthon, sis, and Aunt Janice… that should be everyone I forgot! DLsite never disappoints, does it? Not even when it comes to niche, holiday-themed hentai. And between the Winter Sale going on, and coupons for new members, you can get a lot of stuff really cheap – all of these can be bought for under five dollars! The best gifts aren’t the most expensive, just the most thoughtful… and I think my family is really going to appreciate all the presents I found deep within the warm, wet stocking that is DLsite. Maybe yours will, too! You’d better get hunting… Only a real Scrooge would deny their loved ones the gift of anime porn.
Stop on by the DLsite Discord to wish everyone a very Hentai Holiday!
And click here to see what Wintery goodness is on sale!
Oh, and make sure to…
